I recently read a great book call “Emotional Sobriety” by Tian Dayton. Dayton discusses a number of ways to achieve emotional freedom through self regulation and meeting one’s individual needs. I am going to quote Dayton from chapter 23 in which she describes the amazing capacity of the human being to heal and change;

“Our evolutionary mandate is to thrive. We are wired to heal. Just as a broken bone can knit itself back together, a broken heart can mend. We are designed to live with a degree of unpredictability and challenge; we’ve been equipped to roll with the punches. Nature knows life is tough; that’s why she has built a medicine chest right into our DNA. All of our traits-this ability to care and be cared for, to get sick or hurt and to get better-have been selected throughout our evolution for their adaptability and resilience. That is the DNA that’s in us. Thriving and healing in this sense is natural. If we can get ourselves onto a good and wholesome track, nature will help us do the rest. Nature wants us to heal, survive, and succeed.”

To summarize Dayton, she states that emotional intelligent individuals have these traits in common:
1) They are able to self-reflect and take charge of their own lives.
2) They take responsibility for their own attitudes.
3) They have goals and work toward meeting them
4) They consciously maintain good habits.
5) They have good boundaries.
6) They know their own shortcomings and insecurities.
7) They avoid unnecessary conflict but speak up when necessary.
8) They have realistic expectations of life.
9) They take responsibility for their own moods.
10) They have and live by good values.
11) They are grateful and appreciative of what life gives them.
12) They maintain strong relationship networks.
13) They are active and get involved in life.
14) They tend to have a positive belief system of some kind.
15) They live in the present.
16) They have a balanced and mature outlook on life.

Once these key traits are nourished “We’re no longer visiting a new body, we’re living in it. We’re in the present rather than the past. We have found and learned how to value and maintain our inner peace. We’re comfortable living in our own skin. We’re in our bodies rather than our heads. Our thinking, feeling, and behavior are congruent. This is emotional intelligence.”